I don’t know about you but I don’t like to look at photographs of myself. I don’t think I am very photogenic and that photos don’t always reveal my true beauty, but they still cause a lot of self judgment.
Since April I have lost 12 pounds and 22 inches and I have been feeling thin and beautiful lately. That is until this weekend when I was at an event and a lot of photos were taken. In my opinion many of the photos of me were unflattering AND they ended up on Facebook! You know the ones. You have just put something in your mouth and someone snaps a picture. You just looked sideways and someone snapped a picture and you end up looking like the devil’s spawn or you just looked down and your single chin has just become three. I also hate that the camera adds 10 pounds so there goes my weight loss!
There are usually a couple of good photos out of the bunch but are they the ones you focus on, NOT for a minute. Personally I focus on the not so good ones and start to judge myself. This is a distortion, like the face of the woman above. I may not even really look that bad to other people but I do to myself.
Here is the problem with that. The negative thoughts become like a mantra in the mind and from that space we create our reality. So in my case, if I am thinking “I look fat!”, or “my face looks old”, or ” I don’t know want other people to see these photos because they will judge me.”, that is what I am creating. I am putting out into the Universe that I am fat, which creates more FAT! I am saying to the Universe that people will judge me, and guess what, someone will show up in my life to judge me. I can be the worse self-critic and until I stop doing it there will always be someone who joins me in the pursuit.
I have had this reaction to photos of myself all of my life and here is the interesting phenomena. When I look back on the same photos of me, I can see my beauty. Yes, photos that I could hardly look at look beautiful in retrospect. Some of my favorite photos are ones I couldn’t stand originally. I have heard this same thing from other women I have talked with.
Why is it so hard to embrace all of our faces? Why do we focus on the unflattering images instead of focusing on the ones that look good to us? I think it goes right back to the unconscious programing about how we should look. I have been on a path of personal and spiritual development for over 25 years and yet this issues still creeps into my consciousness. I know I am beautiful inside and out on many levels. Subconscious programing runs deep and even the most evolved among us are thrown off by it from time to time. It just gives us another opportunity to embrace ourselves and love ourselves more deeply.