“Most of my life I’ve been afraid of men. Part of that fear was—and still is, quite frankly—I’m afraid I’m not beautiful enough. I like to think I’m intelligent, and funny, and kind, and that those qualities will be enough for any interaction.
But intelligence doesn’t walk in the door the same way beauty does.” From “Chasing Beauty: An Addict’s Memoir”
How many women can relate to that? I can… I know I still operate on an unconscious belief system instilled in me as a girl growing up in a male dominated household, where my male siblings were not very nice to me. Those same beliefs magnetized the wrong men to me and reinforced the belief. The proverbial vicious cycle.
Here is an example of a powerful belief system in action: intelligence doesn’t walk in the door the same way beauty does. It’s true, heads don’t turn when an intelligent woman walks in the room, unless she is also stunningly beautiful. Many women walk into a room and see who might be more beautiful than they are and are always able to find someone. We find what we are looking for every time.
Like the quote at the beginning of this entry, many women think we feel the way we do because of men. Is it really men we do the beauty ritual for or do we even know any more? What if men were doing their primping and preening for other men to get acceptance by their peers and women were doing it for the approval of other women and it wasn’t even a gender wars issue after all. We just think it is about the opposite sex. Do men really want to see us on 12 inch heels, wearing the latest satin space suit, with our hair all shades of the rainbow?
I am pretty sure every guy wants to see his lady dress in this for that special Holiday Dinner, right?
Have we become addicted to “beauty”, the kind we have been fed by the media? Our we obsessed with chasing some illusive look that is unattainable? I think many women have.
There is a reality TV show called Addicted to Beauty that only ran one season, thank goodness! It was about a plastic surgery spa called “Plastic Surgery Changes and Spa.” The show is going but the spa is still around. Here is a quote from the spa’s website:
“Concerned with your looks? Are you Addicted to Beauty? We use this term tongue in cheek. Changes Plastic Surgery & Medical Spa is a full service facility dedicated to the comprehensive beautification of the individual who is “addicted to beauty.” Changes Plastic Surgery & Medical Spa offers everything from world-class skin care products to laser rejuvenations, fillers, high-tech plastic surgical procedures, massages and facials.
Let’s face it, in today’s competitive world who doesn’t want to look their best. Living in Southern California we are outdoors, active, and constantly socially interactive. So, we always want to look our best. Isn’t everybody a little addicted to beauty?”
Are we addicted or have we been programmed by shows such as this? Everyone of us believes there is something fundamentally wrong with us. This is called the “trance of unworthiness” that begins before we are able to talk. You are not alone, this is a collective issue and we are in it together. It comes from the voice of authority through our well-meaning parents, TV and magazines. We believe we are not enough, we are not worthy and we are some how flawed. I believe this “trance of unworthiness” is a social implant and we spend the rest of our lives trying to unravel it and step out of its web. Unfortunately, because it is reinforced by media and the culture we take a few steps forward and several steps back.
Why can’t one live in Southern California, or anywhere else and be outdoors, active and constantly socially interactive embracing their natural beauty? Why does one look better with Botox, liposuction, face lifts and tummy tucks? Because natural beauty and authenticity hasn’t been excepted by society. People become uncomfortable around authenticity because it is not status quo. The only way for this to change is if each of us breaks out of the “trance of unworthiness”, says “no” to the socially programmed meaning of beauty and embraces our unique natural beauty on all levels, right here and right now. Lets start today by taking one step forward, and another and another and screw the status quo!